ayirebuahspeaks

To the one who will love me,
I’m a mess right now
I’m tired.
Do you know how much effort you’re going to need to put in?
Because I can’t believe anything anymore
It’s not like it’s anyone’s fault, honestly.
I don’t think it’s mine either, but …
Why should I trust that they are speaking the truth?
Why should I trust that they care?
Why should I trust that they have my best interests at heart?
Because they’re not you.
They don’t know me like you do.
They don’t lift me up like you do.
They don’t make everything better.

But how do I get to you if I don’t go through with them, right?
I have to learn from them.
That I have to be patient.
That I have to speak out about how I feel.
That I have to think through my decisions.
That I have to put God first.
That I have to relax.

To the one who will one day love me,
I’m sorry for taking my sweet time to get there.
But I’m telling you, I’ll get there. I’ll get to you.
Be ready to love me forever.
Thank you,
Ayirebuah💕

The thing is that it’s not going to work

I don’t have a solution for this

I could cry, scream, get angry

But there would still be no solution

The thing is that I’m tired.

The thing is that there is nothing else to do

I see no future in this present

I could try, imagine, dream

But there would still be no future

The thing is that I’ve given up.

The thing is that something isn’t right

I don’t know how to fix this

I could ask,beg, grovel

But there would still be no way to fix this

The thing is that I’m hopeless.

The thing is that you frustrate me

I don’t want to deal with you any longer

I could care, love, appreciate

But there would still be no way of dealing

The thing is that I’m done.

Ayirebuah💞

It was a beautiful time

Because of you, I was inspired

I wrote all the time

Hey, you see what you’re doing now?

You’re inspiring me again.

This time, it’s because I haven’t felt those feelings in a long time.

I haven’t felt anger.

I haven’t felt unloved

I am simply unbothered.

It’s been months, I can’t even believe it.

I’ve crossed your path so many times now

I still can’t believe it

I remain, unbothered.

I used to spend my nights writing

So many ways to tell this story

I have so many

But this is one way I wanna say it

My heart, it broke

My heart, it spoke

My heart, unbroke

Ayirebuah 💕

I fell down today and I didn’t see it coming

I was walking one minute and the next minute I was on the ground in awe

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry

I started to laugh

I fell down today and I didn’t see it coming

I was talking about something really random one minute and the next minute I was talking about how I didn’t know how I fell

I didn’t know if I missed a step or my legs crossed each other in a zigzagging way

I was stunned

I fell down today and I didn’t see it coming

I was enjoying my body with no pains one minute and the next minute my thighs and bum were in unwanted pain

I didn’t want to feel it but I felt it anyway

I was in pain

I fell down today and I didn’t see it coming

I didn’t have anything to write down this morning and now this evening I have four stanzas

I don’t know whether to be sad about the fall or happy

You’d think I’d say I am happy because I got something to write

I’m still in pain!

Life. Smh

Ayirebuah 💕

I know we fight

And then we stop talking to each other for days

But you get to talk to me again

We move on from there

I know we forget to check up on each other

And then we complain

But we get to talk to each other again

We move on from there

I know we intentionally ignore each other

Because pride is in the way

But one of us swallows the pride and we speak again

We move on there

I know you don’t like me

So you have no use of speaking to me

But when you need me, you get to speak to me

We move on from there

I know you always mean to call me

But somehow you always forget

And then one day you do and we speak again

We move on from there

I know we talk every single day

We update each other every second of the day

From the beginning to the end

We don’t even stop at Goodnight

But what would you do if you could never speak to me again?

What if when you woke up there were no messages from me?

What if when you sent me a message, I could never reply?

Not because I don’t want to

Not because I’m waiting for a while

Not because I don’t have data

Just because I’m no longer here.

How would you move on from there?

Ayirebuah 💞

You don’t read my poetry

You see, my poetry is me

My poetry is like my mirror

I can see myself in my poetry

I can see my life in my poetry

I can see my smile in my poetry

I can see my tears in my poetry

So

When I ask you to look at my poetry

I’m asking you to look at me

But

You don’t read my poetry.

Ayirebuah 💞

You said you were leaving

And yet you keep coming back

I was happy being in my dark

Next thing I know I was blinded by your headlights again

It’s like all roads lead you back to me

You said you were leaving

Why am I still looking at you?

More importantly, I ask myself

Why am I still here waiting for you?

You said you had moved on

Why do I still feel your presence?

You see, I was at peace with the memories

And so this absolutely makes no sense.

Kryptonite, that’s what you are

And not even Superwoman can avoid Cupid’s arrows

Oh but his arrows keep leaving me low

I thought I had the antidote

Then Cupid said, “Haha, girl you thought!”

The problem is you’re venomous, the problem is you’re the anti-venom.

It’s a Catch twenty-two

I better catch myself before I fall for you again

Did I say catch myself? I meant hold myself so that I don’t go running back to you again

It’s enough that you’re still running through my mind

And that my heart keeps skipping beats when my mind does those rewinds

The memories are a compass

And my heart is the Atlas

They keep me coming back.

Oh but wait

What’s your reason for your being here?

You said you were leaving.

Ayirebuah💞 and Nannz.

Stop 

You’ve reached the red light 

The warning that you must not go any further 

If you decide to move, you’ll get into trouble 

Or you may harm yourself 

You’re supposed to just stop 
Breathe

You’re waiting for it to be safe again 

The moment where you’re friends with your thoughts 

They tell you all that you need to remember 

And all that you are trying to forget 

You’re supposed to breathe through all that 
Listen 

You’re sitting in silence at the moment 

The radio is on but you can’t hear it 

You’re hearing all that you need to hear from your ‘friends’ 

And all that you need to hear is essential for your next move 

You’re supposed to listen attentively 
Look 

You’re looking straight ahead but look around a little 

You need to see when it’s okay to move forward 

You can’t just step forward blindly 

You may get pummeled 

So you’re supposed to look first 
Prepare 

Yes you’re waiting 

But that doesn’t mean you should not know how to handle what’s next 

You must be ready to get off the brakes and go on to accelerate 

It’s not yet time but 

You’re supposed to prepare 
Move 

The green light is here 

The moment you’ve been waiting for is right here

You don’t want to waste anymore time 

You’ve had the chance to think 

You prepared for this 

Don’t waste anyone’s time 

You’re supposed to just move!

Make that move. 

Ayirebuah 💞 

Thursday, February 1st at 1:59am

Watch me do better for myself, because I’m tired of how you treat me. 
Watch me take steps to free myself from you, because I’m tired of how you’ve held me. 
Watch me stand up for myself,because I’m tired of you sitting on my happiness, no more stress.
You see how I’m starting afresh,I know, because you want to stay relevant. 

You see how I’m caring less,I know, because you continue to tell me what to do. 

You see how I walk past you, I know, because of your face, it’s like that. Just flat.
Pay attention to the way I assert myself these days.You are no more the puppeteer, my dear.

 Pay attention to the way I look at you, you are no more someone I look up to.

 Pay attention to the way I speak lately , you are no more my voice, because honestly, you were just making noise.
Look out for all that I am achieving without you. I want you to see how you’ve made my light shine less. 

Look out for how I am beautiful without you. I want you to see how you’ve made me look like a mess. 

Look out for my hands when you see me around these streets. I want you to be ready when you catch them. 
Ayirebuah 💕